Relating on dealing with, The Short and Tragic Life of Robert Peace there are many instances where I found myself closely related to Rob, especially when he discussed the difficulties that he had dealing with losing his father more than once. Experiences in my personal life have led to me to choose a topic relating not only to something discussed in class but a topic that hits home for me, personally. I took a closer look into the effects of an absent father on a young woman and her later relationships with herself or oth
ers. On the contrary, some females do not experiences the same effects as others may. Every situation can vary in some instances, which can results in different outcome for the woman.
For a long time, I have dealt with not having both parents in my life at the same time. However, I did not lose a
parent to death or incarceration. My parents were divorced when I was very young. Therefore, I never knew them as a couple. I have spent many hours in the company of each, i have spent more time with my mother than with my father. My mother and I have become closer as i have gotten older because, she herself grew up without a father. She can very much relate to what I was feeling. This is the main reason that I chose to discuss this topic. She is a perfect example of someone who suffered greatly from the absences of a father figure. She is now able to use what she learned in her own experiences to help me as well. When the issue of fatherlessness was brought up in class discussion, my own situation came to mind.
To some the research that I found may be a shock but to others who have been in the same situation as my mother and I understand completely the findings that the researches presented. I’m very interested in the way people interact with each other, and I’m very interested in the psyche of all human beings but most importantly how we are shaped to be acceptable adults in society.
The sources I discovered reinforced my opinions and views on the topic at hand. In the bibliography below, I have found three psychologists who have closely related opinions and information about the effects of an absent father in a young womans life. Each article revealed different aspects and ideas about deeper effects regarding relationships. Dr. Thomas Jones in his article addresses, standards of men, the vicious cycle of choosing men for the wrong reasons and using sex as a form of love. Marie Hartwell-Walker’s article focuses more on the fathers by explaining the ten basic principles a father should abide by. Lastly, Dr. Korsch, touches on the subject of why a relationship between a young woman and an older man may not work. She explains where the desires of being with an older man come from. Despite their differences being present, all agree that fatherlessness for women can lead to low self-esteem and diminished self-confidence.
Jordan, Thomas. “Absent Father & His Daughter’s Love-Life.” Love-Life Learning Center. Privately Owned Psycho-educational Website, 2012. Web. 17 Nov. 2015.
Dr. Thomas Jordan, expresses his many concerns about the effects woman have when there is a no father in their lives. He states many points that to most would presume obvious such as, an emotional need for our fathers, the fact that the relationship is opposite sex makes the relationship even more crucial because it is the first, of many that a young girl will encounter. The first relationship with a male she is taught, should be without a doubt the best it can possibly be. When the love of a father is not available for a young girl, one or both things will occur: “Grief and a search for her father’s love somewhere else”.
The article goes concentrates on situations where a mother is left to play both roles in her daughter’s life. In some cases, this will work in the sense that the mother can “dismantle her daughter’s feelings of self-blame for her father’s absence.” Yet, if this does not happen, the daughter will look for the ‘fatherly love’, is missing, in other men who cannot provide it to her. Sex will be used as a form of affection/attention. In her eyes, she is receiving some sort of attention and she feels this is the only way men can show her affection. Sadly, this will result in more grief and disappointment. This type of behavior will continue, as it becomes a cycle of bad choices motivated by this unconscious desire to fill the missing father role in her life.
In order to have ‘standards’, women need to be taught standards. Without a father, she will not be taught “who men are, how they think, what they value, what they respect, and how they commit themselves in love when attracted to a woman.” because of this she may become susceptible to abuse. A final observation made by Dr. Jordan, one of which had never been apparent to, was that women who are fatherless may tend to be caretakers of their partners. The reason behind this logic is, “If I take care of him well enough, later on he will somehow return the favor”.
Becoming aware of these issues is the first step to “[letting] go of her frustrated needs for fathering”.On the contrary, he states that it is possible to break this vicious cycle. She then can “begin to accept the limited but satisfying love now available in adulthood”. Once these observations are made, she can understand why she may have trouble keeping relationships.
Hartwell-Walker, Marie. “Daughters Need Fathers, Too.” Psych Central – Independent Mental Health Social Network. Owned and Operated by Dr. John Grohol, 13 June 2012. Web. 17 Nov. 2015.
Not only are father figures important to a young man but are crucial to the building and growing of a young woman, Psychologist Marie Hartwell-Walker claims, in her article “Daughters Need Fathers Too”. She claims that “Children really do learn what they live”, they are taught what to consider as ‘normal’ and ‘abnormal’ behavior. A father is what Walker calls a “guidepost”. However, the relationship between the father and mother are also highly important. As a young child this is the first “relationship’ we are exposed to that is not one of our own.
She then breaks down what she thinks are the ten most important actions of a father. Such as, becoming close buddies with or going places with her. Walker addresses an important issue, that is seen many times in today’s society, if the relationship with the mother is not corgile, do not shy away from your daughter. Teaching a young girl about privacy, making sure she understands the difference between appropriate/inappropriate touching is important because Hartwell- Walker advocates celebrate her goals and achievements, attend her events and show support. When showing her that “real men can negotiate differences with women’, she will later be able to learn many lessons from the mother and father’s relationship. “In America, national surveys of adults find that nine to 28 percent of women say they experienced some type of sexual abuse or assault in childhood”. Most importantly, treat her the way, you would expect another man to treat because she will only learn to accept the kind of behavior you show towards her or to women around her.
Gabriella Kortsch, Ph.D.” Fatherless Women: What Happens to the Adult Woman Who Was Raised Without Her Father? – by Gabriella Kortsch, Ph.D. Web. 17 Nov. 2015.
Dr. Kortsch, makes it aware, that sometimes the absence of a father may not be intentional. It could be due to work, terminal disease, or an event that would cause a father to be gone for a long period of time. Regardless of the reasoning not having a father is very detrimental to the growth of a young women. For example, Kortsch finds that a young girl’s self esteem and confidence comes from her father. At a young age, she will begin to recognize her own looks. Rejection and withdrawal in the father can cause her self esteem to plummet completely or never form at all. Having self-confidence is important when discussing belief in one’s own self. Belief in yourself will result in success in the future.
In most young women who come from a fatherless home life, many use sex as a form of affection and normally do not settle down with one man. Because they are constantly being disappointed by not receiving the love they think they’re intended to receive. On the other hand, some women older men or men who could be the father figure. When an older man has relations with someone much younger many issues can occur from this. Not only is the young women still growing and maturing she is also looking for someone to take care of her. During the process of growth a man who is aware of her problems he will not be threatened by her growing into a woman. However, if he is oblivious to the issue, his superiority will overcome and he will begin to be jealous of her successes as he feels her pull away to be her own person. The sad outcome of a situation like this, is that he will try to beat her down and make her feel as though her wishes and dreams are foolish.
Her final thoughts on that matter are similar to those of others. Any woman can fight these negative emotions and feelings as long as she can become aware that she does have issues. These will be an ongoing battle for any woman who grew up without a father. Nonetheless, awareness is key.To understand what love truly is, she says it “must first be found in oneself”.